TDU 2018: TGIF
One more day til the weekend! If we weren’t kind of already on some cooked take of a holiday, we would be celebrating twice as hard. The day would have a little bit of crew in the morning, with the aperitivo being the battle up Norton Summit in the afternoon before a finish in Urailda. Tantalising for us, but a small, bitter glass for the pro’s.
I: THE REGULARS
Hand cut oats ✓ praise be to all that is holy. Wholemeal toast ✓, water as opposed to caffé lattes? Responsible given the heat. ✓ Prepped and ready for the day we rolled down to the MAAP pop-up for what was the official Melbourne squad takeover of Adelaide, the famed Short Ride Long Coffee (SRLC) by Admiral.CC
PLANS OF ACTION
We arrived shocked to find that the SR part of SRLC was going to be roughly 80km, with a few little hills. Be that as it may (NOT short) we were still looking forward to the LC, which through working out a rule of scaling up, was predicted to be about 3.5-4 hours worth of sitting in a cafe. Heatwave pending in the afternoon we were going to take some BMC’s out for a flutter, only this time they wouldn’t be our own. We’d eventually rock up and watch a bit of the days stage, if it hadn’t devolved into a peloton-wide-punch-on with Adam Hansen somewhere along Gorge Rd.
Distance: 277km (Adrian)
Vertical Gain: +2707m (Adrian)
Rounds of Beers: 24
Most Frequented Pub: (forever) The Exeter
Rounds of Caffé Lattes: 18
TDU Fedoras: 0
KOM Bucket Hats: 15
Highest Temperature: 40ºC
Handball Record: 5-7-0
MAAP Pop-Up @ The Mill
154 Angas St, Adelaide CBD
✓ THE HIGHLIGHT
Old Norton Summit Rd. For us Victorian's it was our first official ascension, and goddamn is it beautiful, euro, and chilling.
✕ THE LOWLIGHT
Getting from Belair to Stirling. Usually a simple task, things are a little trickier when you've come down with a major case of the ceebs. Your best options are short and super steep, or long and draggy.
"QUOTE OF THE DAY"
"Ooooooooh, how alternative!" Mason's way of saying that we were really smart to escape the heat wave by drinking iced caffé lattes, visiting art galleries and living life in air-conditioning.
NOT QUITE BROADSHEET EPISODE 1
Having already been blessed by the holy oats, we were sorted for our pre-ride nutrition. Ron on the other hand required something a little stronger, considering he had to have woken earlier for the descent into town. While Up & Go’s market themselves as “health & wellbeing” and “liquid energy” none of them can come close to a locally brewed option, something so underground Broadsheet hasn’t managed to catch a hint yet. An ice cold Wendy, pulled freshly from the ice in the back of Charlie’s ute. Ron isn’t a fan of the choc ice, caramel or subtle fruit flavours anyhow, he goes for something hard and original, flavoured so that it would loosen his legs by the time we arrived at the bottom of the first climb.
II: ADMIRAL SRLC
A gang of 30 odd riders ventured into the southern slopes of the Adelaide Hills, for the Soup Boys it would be our first venture southward for the week. Windy Point started off easily enough, until the boulie tacker struck a few hundred metres in, spelling an ultra sad end to Ron’s day on the bike (at 8.45am).
With morning car traffic still sharing the road, once the bunch hit the first hairpin attacks came left and right through no other reason than to thin things out to single file, there would be plenty of time to regroup a few kilometres away at the top in Belair.
“Wanna just leg it, boost it around to Stirling then bomb down to Norwood?”
So off they went, taking the longer, still steep, but not Sheoak Rd steep way.
Another visit to Stirling Cellars, with Melting Moments and 1.25L bottle of Solo: The Thirst Crusher later…
III: SWISS EXCELLENCE
Returning into town, the temperature was already hovering well around 40 degrees celsius…in the shade. Our friends at BMC had hooked us up with their demo fleet available in all our required sizes. Admittedly, our initial squad was a little depleted through the ridiculous heat, and/or because they were still waiting at the top of Windy Point. This was something that was completely fair enough, but we were still amping to test out a few of the SLR02 bikes, a first ride on Di2 for some, and on a disc road bike for most. Instead we filled up the empty spots with Markuzii, and Theo – aboard his shiny SLR01 toy, personally signed by the man we all yell for. We had only gone a kilometre or so east of the CBD, headed for some of the Adelaide Foot Hills before some shade and rehydration were calling our names.
20 The Parade West, Kent Town
• Surprisingly cool considering it is essentially a shed. We say cool as in style and as in temperature.
• Heaps of San Pellegrino ready to go. Cold San Pellegrino at that.
• Theres a gallery inside, cool.
• There is also a design studio inside, cooler.
They don't serve Solo: The Thirst Crusher. The only con we could really note down given the heat and Tell Henry's role as a sanctuary from the heat. The biggest con they could possibly have though.
NOT QUITE BROADSHEET EPISODE 2
You can shoot an email to all your high school science teachers and tell them of the following if you’d like. If black buildings are supposed to get hotter through being more heat absorbent, then explain how Tell Henry, a building entirely painted black, could have been such a cool oasis in an hour (11am – 12noon) where our Garmin’s were reading well into the mid 50’s.
Tell Henry, situated in Kent Town was our escape from that extra heat brought on by the CBD traffic, while it also acted as a good place to plan where we were going to go and test these bikes. Alex, the one with the most knowledge figured it all out for us, allowing some fresh new scenery without being too far from the safety of air-conditioned buildings. First we needed to stock up on fluids. So it was several sparkling green bottles of cold San Pellegrino, and a round of caffé lattes with a variety of different milks.
The ride proper wouldn’t be starting too far from Tell Henry, and with a bit of a breeze we were able to roll up through central Norwood, stopping for the first, and only church of the day we managed to visit this week. Setting up on the steps of the Clayton Wesley Uniting Church, we prayed for safe passage on todays riding, and that the weather gods, particularly the cooler weather gods (both in style and in temperature) would look favourably upon us for our last 2 days in Adelaide. Riche shouted, he wailed, he called God directly on his private line. We asked for a sign, received as our Garmin’s temperature reading dropping back into the forties.
Alex had spoken of the beauty of this climb, made up of three adjoining streets of the aforementioned names. Coach would start off nothing but steep, through the rougher part of town, the Elizabeth West of the Adelaide Foot Hills.
You’d get a momentary break from the pitched gradients and sun as you turned onto Knox, descending with a cliff face on your left, orchard and grassy patches on your right, before looping back around into the sun and around another hairpin that has been made famous by Andy Rogers Instagram Stories time and time again.
The final nail in the coffin was Macbeath, which fortunately was short enough to have you see things through to the finish. It would spit you back out at the very top of Coach, a no through road. The SLR02’s had already shown their pedigree when it came to climbing, and we were fortunate enough to have them on the descent, as rim brakes on molten tarmac roads on a negative double digit decent would have been nothing but bad news.
When we got back onto the Parade, we split – some heading back into town, others heading up to Norton Summit to catch the race at the top of the KOM, and with a few kilometres to the finish.
It should be in here that we sneakily include that while we didn’t get paid for this one, we did get some preferential treatment from the crew at BMC, plus had some caps, t-shirts and bottles thrown our way. We can also disclose that through our local bike shoppe Essendon Cyclery, we are doing up a bit of a partnership with BMC Australia throughout the year, with some road, cyclocross and mountain bike stuff, but more on that in coming months.
IV: NORTON FFA ROUND 2
Just around the corner from the bottom of Coach was the bottom of the Old Norton Summit Rd, the geographical intimacy of the Adelaide Hills further reinforcing the fact that #ADLsucksforcycling. Theo and Adrian wandered along the Old Summit Road, its European setting as you twisted up and through a tight gully in stark contrast to the New Norton Summit Rd which is described as having much more of an LA vibe to it.
If climbing Old Norton in this heat, at a casual pace tore us to shreds, we could only imagine what was going on along the new version. Finally we were able to squeeze through the traffic towards the top, get over our shock at seeing Crikey Cadel in full garb, and weave through the crowds along the roadside. What we witnessed was the overcooked, oven roasted peloton limping over the top and along to the finish in Urailda a few kilometres away.
Editors note: because of a full-to-the-brim memory card, photos of Norton Summit were at a premium, so head to this CyclingTips article instead.
V: FANCY BOYS OF CYCLING
Having accidentally racked up a century in the heat, Adrian was in desperate need of an escape from the Great Outdoors. Kip and he connected at another Work Expense location, East End Cellars – opting to be Fancy Boys over riding to the beach. Even weeks later it’s hard to determine if it was the better option or not, but the cooler climate of this bottle shop and wine bar certainly helped lighten the mood. We copped some vino, some chin otto, and went about discovering how far a $44 antipasti platter would go to fucking us right up, and found out that a local legend and friend of the Soup still has an outstanding tab there. We defy the Freedom of Information act and choose to withhold their identity forever.
Remember that whole full memory card debacle? Still the same, these photos are from East End Cellars Quite Broadsheet feature. All taken by Josie Withers.
VI: THE UNOFFICIAL TT STAGE
In typical Soup Boys style, a bonus member of the squad hadn’t really solidified plans to get to the TDU until 2 days before, when it was decided that he would drive himself across. It was a scorching hot day in Melbourne, and the start time of the drive to Adelaide kept getting pushed back over and over. Originally it was 12noon, then it was “maybe” 2pm. The official start time ended up being 5:35pm.
Relying on the fuel efficiency of his Peug (P-Yoog), the plan of attack was simple. Do it in one go with only one stop in the feed zone of Horsham. Of course, like in any TT, marginal gains would save seconds, so our mystery Soup Boy has provided tips for a fast (and comfortable) road trip to Adelaide.
1. Shoes off (saves 30sec over 69km)
2. Aircon off and windows down - not aero but will get you further.
3. Underwear off - for maximum air intake and cooling (only on hot days).
4. Sand paper on the seat - no real advantage when in a car, it’s just pro.
5. Arrive alive - a safe TT is a good TT.
As he passed through the first intermediate, a self timer check in Horsham – we were able to reveal that this mystery Soup Boy is/was in fact; Don. Once he left Horsham, at the Break Free our attention turned to dot watching him on Facebook via a shared location, nothing but beers and the moving tracker as company.
BEER OF THE DAY
Cooper’s Pale Ale
Without a doubt the most popular beer among Adelaidians. It is rumoured that every South Australian baby is actually baptised in this beer, and as such is referred to as “God’s Water”. God’s Water tastes like the glandular secretion of a unicorn. It is essentially the most rare and greatest human discovery of all time, and the best part is; it’s available on tap in every single pub in SA. Many tourists wonder why Adelaide seems like such a sleepy backwater of a town, and why the people here are so relaxed, why they are never looking to expand or follow the traditional ideals of a “Big City”. But the answer to this question is simple, Cooper’s Pale Ale. South Australians have already discovered the meaning of life, they’ve stopped searching. Why do supermarkets need to be open past 5pm on a Sunday? You can get a pint of pale from any pub in the state. Why do we need to have buildings in the city taller than 30 floors? Why do we need to have a booming nightlife? Why do we need the have thriving sporting communities? We can all just sit at home and drink pale at any given moment.
Now this wasn’t much of a beer review, it was more of a PSA to the people of the world that don’t know about the wonder of Cooper’s Pale Ale, or are searching for the true meaning of life. Btw it’s Cooper’s Pale Ale. But yeah nah we give it 6 unicorn horns out of 5 unicorn horns.
🍺 🦄 🦄 🦄 🦄 🦄
After what seemed like an eternity driving in the darkness after the sunset during the stop in Horsham, Don arrived in Adelaide 1 minute before 12am. His official time was 7h 24m. While it was a good effort, it’s nothing compared to our DS’s fastest time of (what’s Harry’s time? 6h?).